Existential dread #1

Unfinished Works vs Atomic Bombs

 I feel as if I worry about too many things, and they won't ever be accomplished, as in the grand scheme of things I am but a little space dust born from two old space dusts who work at space dust broadcasting station in a little country.

So I limit myself to just thinking of the simple things when it comes to things that would actively be useful to me in my life, or in case of an apocalypse, but pour my heart and soul into researching stuff that seem so far away (and are far away) to feign interest in things that realistically don't involve me at all (whether it will affect me or not is a different story/blog post entirely).

For example, Charlie Kirk dying... will it affect me? Yes, a maniac is in office and adores that guy, I live in Canada, we can all get nuked immediately tomorrow. But does it involve me? Not really, will a letter from the white house be sent to my doorstep asking about why I talked so much shit about him pre-mortem and even more post-mortem? Not likely. Logically I know to obsess over that too much isn't normal nor is it healthy. BUT I do anyway, because deep down I correlate that to all the times I wasn't popular in high school and so wasn't in the know for a loooot of stuff, so I wanted to be included, I guess. But the nerd/inferiority complex having individual inside of me wants/wanted to be included in things that are cool and big and important. 

Surely, talking about big stuff others don't usually talk about as they're busy having a life and living in the moment would make it so that the attention would fall onto me. And I love it when I have everyone's attention. We talk shit about the people who were never popular in high school, so they turn that resentment into bullying others in spaces that they are popular in later in life, just to experience what it's like. I like to think my version is one of the less toxic option to be born out of that type of environment.

Now on the OTHER hand, I didn't know WACK about keeping a space tidy for productivity, having an efficient workflow to do art, or how to do an interview with a lady I've never met before to work some lame office job for 35 years. They seem important, but for my dopamine addicted brain, they seem so far away and boring... I should probably change that.

I think artists' works reflect their current state of mind as well, and mine are clumsy, unfinished and get forgotten a lot. It could be something positive, like there's room for improvement, something like that. But also, when I have an unsteady perspective or it feels floatey, I get a bit nauseaus spacially and emotionally looking at it, if that makes sense.